And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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