jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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