So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
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Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
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Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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