I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
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