Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
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The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
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He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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