and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize