The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
