If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize