I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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