Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
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at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
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I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor