This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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