if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
