i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
