i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
