Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
