i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
