shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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