so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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