the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am mentally ready for anal.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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