shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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