Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
