3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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