I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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