normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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