I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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