this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
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If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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