and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
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Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
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In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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