I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
