We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
If that was your dad, he is hot
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
