So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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