You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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