Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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