Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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