Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I have feelings that need drinking.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize