that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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