Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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