Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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