So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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