You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
