If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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