How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
