Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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