he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize