Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
