I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
