If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize