none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
