She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
