there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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