I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
