we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
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Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize